Growing through pain: Gaining wisdom
The idea that pain can be a good thing is counterintuitive to our human nature. It wasn’t until my personal experience with pain that I fully undestood how pain can be a great teacher. In March of 2021 I experienced the greatest pain of my life. My then 25 year old son died by suicide. As I type these words it still brings sadness to my heart. He was my 2nd of 5 children, brilliant, creative, spirited (like his Mama) and a superb chef. Quadir, like many was complex, complicated, layered and sensitive. I believe that our children come through us, for lessons and blessings. The lessons he brought during his brief time on earth were vast and varied.
It’s a long story and my book (coming soon) will get more in depth about him, us and how we arrived to the deep well of pain in 2021. What I know is that pain is something that every one of us must and will face during this life. It’s simply a natural part of the existence on this planet. Why? How? When? These remain unknown. When it arrives we are often times ill equipped to handle it. Henceforth, I believe, why the grieving process can be extremely difficult. In the western world little attention is given to the discussion of death, pain, tragedy and hardship, until we are faced with it. Then it is often riddled with sadness, hardship, conflict, tension and loads of pain. It’s much like our “healthcare” system, we seek solutions when we are faced with an illness. The focus is on fixing vs. preventing.
During my grief journey I’m learning to dance with this pain, develop a healthy relationship with it and find peace within it. It’s challenging to do these things, and it is also possible. As I write these words I can literally feel Quadir’s spirit and the spirit of my numerous ancestors guiding, encouraging and celebrating the mere fact that I am bringing light to this subject.
Pain comes in a multitude of ways and the wisdom gained from moving through it is also multifaceted. Here are the top 5 lessons I’ve learned from pain:
1- Resistance brings more pain and heartache.
2- It eases with time.
3- It does not ease up until you learn your lesson (whatever that is for you).
4- There is no set time. It ebbs and flows with time.
5- It is necessary for you to grow and is similiar to the lotus flower that pushes up through mud, to reveal great beauty.
As I journey on this road of life, I am committed to working through the pains that lie in my path to ensure that the lessons I am here to learn have been acquired. Quoting the lyric from the prolific group Maze: featuring Frankie Beverly, “joy and pain are like sunshine and rain.”
Feel free to comment and let me know how you have navigated pain and the lessons gained.